What about ego?

[Barry Gray]

We keep on hearing about the importance of the story. We treat our listeners like precious objects (especially children) and strive to bring them the best we can give in the hopes that they will leave satisfied, fulfilled, enlightened, etc. How important is the storyteller's experience in the whole equation? Is the applause enough feedback to keep us coming back? Are forums like this the place to boost each other with words of encouragement and get us to keep on keepin' on? Actual being on stage is a tiny part of the storytelling experience compared to the other 99.9 percent of my life. Do our egos get stroked enough? Looking through the bios of the members of this group it is obvious that many of us feel we are pretty good at what we do. But are reviews and applause enough to confirm that?

My bottom line is how I judge a telling while it is happening. I resolve before going out to make eye contact with every person in the audience at least once during a story. I feel that invisible thread that happens during eye contact and I send all my intention to that person. What comes back helps me determine how I'm doing. Not only helps me but rather is the only reliable indicator of how I'm doing. Clapping, pats on the back, nice words in the local press feel good, too, but it that ego to ego appreciation (or not!) that takes place through eye contact during a telling that means the most to me. I to I.

Thoughts?

[Tom Taylor]

Barry,

I think you're right when you focus on the eye-contact/"I" contact with'em. That's pretty much my experience with this issue.

A relevant example, perhaps:

Long ago I toured w/ one-man show on Woody Guthrie. In LA, CA (Westwood) one Saturday during a kids' concert, in the middle of a song, the audience started laughing and pointing - and I had no clue about what was going on 'til I felt a tug on my pants leg.

I looked down, and there was a little tyke about 3 yrs - 3 1/2 yrs old.
I stopped.
Leaned over.
The crowd settled down.
And this child said . . .
"Could I give you a kiss...?"

I bent down.
He kissed my cheek.
Audience heartily approved the transaction.
The child returned to his family.
The song was resumed - and continues still....

When there is such a connection, who cares what the paper says?

I can't recall, except in the most general way, any media review of my work - but, I recall that moment onstage with that little child as if it happened last weekend.

Tom Taylor

[Kim Weitkamp]

Nice post.

I wasn't sure if there was a question you were asking...so I will just comment.

As a communicator there is a constant give and take between the audience and the teller. You can tell what is working and what isn't working by listener response. But as far as the overall performance? One of the ways I know if I am on the right track or not is if I get booked back. You can tell after the show, within a week or so, if the event director was giving you lip service just to be polite or if they meant all the nice things they said to you after the event. I actually teach this in my 'GROW" workshop. If you're not booked back, it's time to grab some seasoned teller friends and ask them to be brutally honest.

Simple? Maybe. Proven? Yes.

[Tom Taylor]

Kim and Barry -

Short story about a young girl's comment that may very well apply to this discussion-subject.

As I thought about this a bit more, I recall what a 2nd, maybe 3rd grade, young lady said last year when, after telling WISDOM OF THE RABBI, I asked the kids what they thought the story was saying - this remarkable child said, "It means that, no matter what you think you want, you already have everything you need."

I was so moved and taken aback by the insight and maturity of her comment that I had to turn away from the audience for a moment to compose myself, then looked at the teachers, and said
"Out of the mouths of babes...." -

"It means that, no matter what you think you want, you already have everything you need."

Indeed.

Best,

Tom Taylor

[Kim Weitkamp]

That is sweet. Very sweet. As in delicious. Don't you love kids? Earth Mama, a singer/ storyteller that I met while working with Jim Stoltz, has a song with this line: Enough is as much as a feast. I love that line.
Signed, O.O. :o)

[Fiona Weir (Flow Fiction)]

Barry, this is interesting. I agree totally about the eye-to-eye contact; and I think this is maybe why I find it easier and more comfortable to tell stories to children more than adults - because kids still instinctively GIVE this, whereas often adults have learned/developed the habit of 'shielding' their expressions and their selves.

And a further, small thought: maybe this is one of these trans-Atlantic differences (I'm in the UK) but I understand the word 'ego' differently to the way you're using it. For me, the 'ego' means the bit of you that cares (often desperately!) about what people think, reads reviews, looks for confidence-boosters and so on. For me, what you are talking about is precisely NOT ego-to-ego contact, but soul-to-soul contact ... a connection of your REAL selves, rather than your fragile external, social identities!

[Daniel Bishop, the Storyteller]

I believe that you can tell if you are doing well as your telling by if the audience is paying attention. If they let you make eye contact. As a living history interpreter at the National Oregon/California Trail Center in Montpelier Idaho, I tell stories all day long to a variety of people. I told to some energetic 4th graders just today. Each group is different, I thought today that I didn't have them, as their eyes were everywhere but me. But after the tour they would stop telling me all the stories I had just told them.
I say don't trust in your pride. If you had fun, chances are, so did your audience. If you audience had fun, you were Good.
Keep Telling Always
Daniel Bishop, the Storyteller

[Layne Gneiting]

Great question, Barry.

One of the most profound influences on my thinking is the gem, Zen in the Art of Archery. In a nutshell, a struggling apprentice (westerner) yearns to understand Zen and the Master reluctantly agrees to teach, but adds that the way to Zen is best learned through an art. So the guy takes up archery.

He quickly discovers there's more than meets the eye. To hit the target he must forget about the target. To draw the bow properly he must forget about drawing the bow properly. "It is all so simple," says the Master. "You can learn from an ordinary bamboo leaf what ought to happen. It bends lower and lower under the weight of snow. Suddenly the snow slips to the ground without the leaf having stirred. Stay like that at the point of highest tension until the shot falls from you" (p. 47-48).

The trick, in part, is to take the ego out of the equation. That's been a toughie for me, since my love language is "words of affirmation" (see the Five Love Languages). Yet on those rare occasions when I've turned the tale over to a higher source and "got out of the way" to become a mere conduit rather than the source of light, I've burned brightest. And felt it.

[Steve Evans]

Hi Barry.

According to Alfred Lord's studies found in "Singer of Tales", our "egos" are a big part of the whole process. The experience is incomplete unless you have a dynamic interaction among the teller, the take and the audience!

I thing this site could help in stoking the ego. Just interaction and affirmation among peers is great. Hopefully Professional Storyteller will evolve into an even more interactive site than it is now.

Best wishes. STEVE

[Astorymouse]

I remember the words of a teacher-teller I met recently. He said that the best way to get round nerves before telling is to remember that it is not YOU that is important in the action of telling, but the story. That helped me relax before my very first telling, and I wonder why tellers do tell? Is it just for the ego boost? for the pleasure of performance, or the pleasure of giving a beautiful gift. I guess there are no right or wrong answers to this question..

hugs
steph