Professional Storyteller

Share a Story - Change the World

Sometimes a folk tale can inspire you to go off on your own track.
The story of Lucky is such a tale inspired by No News and by one of it's most famous tellers Marshall Dodge. I hope where ever he is he enjoys this as well as I.


Tales of fortune by Willey Phinedit
Storyteller,Tall Taleoligist and Maine UnRegistered Guide

Franklin Benjamin Sitchawayshin is one of those guys who consistently fall into fortunate circumstances.
Although he is a an active hardworking commercial fisherman, he is seldom seen wet or hurt due to the immense silver lining from the cloud of luck and fortune that consistently engulfs him. For this reason he is known along the Coast to one and all as Lucky!

It was Lucky who was caught in an awful gale that threw his boat from port to starboard and heaved fore and aft while his mate was holding on for dear life he bellowed out “We sure had a good day of fishing before the weather turned didn’t we Rob?”

“No good to us if we take on water and drown.” His first mate replied between hurls into the sea.

Just then a school of flying fish soaring by miscalculated their wind speed and landed flip flop right amidships of the Sea Tale. The wind was too harsh and the deck to short for another take off so Rob plopped them in crates and iced them for the trip home.

Lucky was the man that thought up the idea of cross breeding two bottom feeders to make a more durable and sustainable fishing resource. The flounder and the lobster combination he calls a Flobster, did not really catch on at first. He elicited help from the College of Onshore Development thinking that students of aquaculture over at C.O.D. could help him market this new culinary delight. But it was actually Lucky’s wife Rosie who figured out that although the flobster aint so good boiled or broiled it does make one hell of a chowder!

Just last week the members of the Peanokio Harbor Organization of Firefighters were called to the Sitchawayshin’s Farm out on #4 Log Drive for a barn fire.
The Barn of Lucky and Rosie Sitchawayshin was fully involved when members of PHOOF arrived on the scene.

Their son Harry had been playing with matches when one landed on a hay bale. 12 year old Harry thought fast knowing his Dad needed the Pickup for his lobster business the boy cranked her up. When Harry’s foot slipped off the clutch the truck veered hard to the right ventilating the Barns northern exposure. Well sir the increased oxygen introduced to the burning barn caused intense heat, forcing the boy to abandon the Pickup just prior, to the explosion!
That blast was heard in Kittery and Calais!

The explosion from the truck spooked the horses in the coral causing them to jump the fence and run down the Interstate highway, causing rubbernecking tourists to slow down, and creating a traffic jam as afar back as Moot Point.

The stranded motorist making a bad situation a little better visited the road side fresh fish trailer operated by Rosie. She sold out and started taking orders for mail delivery of fresh Maine Lobsters.
Meanwhile Lucky had his biggest catch of the season and by the time Mr and Mrs. Sitchawayshin got home that night, they had earned enough money to by a new 4 wheel drive truck and repair their Barn.

Harry on the other hand had earned a summer of chores which included rebuilding their Barn.

About the Author
Willey Phinedit (Find-It) is the persona of Vernon L. Cox Maine Storyteller.

This is an original work inspired by the classic " No News" his brother Gray and he performed for years as the Cox Brother's Family Camp Shows at a Bar Harbor camping Resort.

See the Folkography listed in this group.

Feel free to make this your own, howerver if you tell it as is please ask me for permission first.

Vernon and Willey

Tags: Comedy, Downeast, Find, It, Maine, Tragic, Willey, events, good, humor, More…turned

Views: 307

Replies to This Discussion

The Cox brothers Family Camp Show Adaptation of
*No News

[Vernon to audience]
My brother Gray is forever going on trips. He travels all over the world and because he is my brother and I do love him so, I take care of his home stead while he is gone. Which taint a problem usually but this one time well you just sit there and we’ll show you!

[Gray approaches with a suit case in hand]
Thanks for meeting me at the Airport Vernon.

[Vernon helping with suit case]
Oh I don’t mind wasn’t doing anything anyways.

I had a great time traveling the world on my vacation but I can’t wait to get home. What happened while I was gone?

Nothin’ [thinks a second] No News I’m aware of.

I was gone for weeks and nothing happened? Come on now, what did you do yesterday?

Well sir I sweated most of the afternoon cuttin’ your lawn. That piece out back by Sparky’s grave gave me a terrible time, Leanin’ Left round,

[Gray interrupts with some notable shock]
Sparky’s grave? My dog Spark’s gone?

up down leaning right. Right oh yea you missed that, sorry Gray Sparky passed while you was gone other than that though there really is no news.

[Gray still in some shock]
How did it happen?

Vet’s best guess was that it must have been that badly burned horse meat. Course you can never tell with these things Sparky was such a chow hound you know. But that’s no news whole county knows that.

Where on earth did he get that badly burned horse meat! I kept him on a strict vegetarian diet.

The Barn! Now there’s some news for you! Gray we had three towns’ two radio stations and the Local Morning Gazette Recorder show up for that one. Sorry about your horses though to bad.

[Gray still trying to process all of this]
My Dog Sparky is gone, Barn is burned flat and horses became dog food and you said there’s No news.

Well don’t be sore I did admit the Barn burnin’ was news now didn’t I. [Pleading to the audience for support]

Well how in heaven’s name did the barn catch on fire. I am so careful with my wiring and heaters……

[Vernon waving hand from one point to another to illustrate]
Them sparks from the house were flying so high when the wind caught ‘em that old barn lit up just like a Roman Candle WOOOOOSH

[Gray becoming a little annoyed at his brother]

My home! You let my house burn while I was gone?

Absolutely not, it was the Parson’s wife. But by now every one knows that about her so I suppose that’s no news. No sir that ain’t news worthy to me.

Why did the Parson’s wife burn down my home? [Voice wavering and stress yields to tears]

Gray, Gray you have been gone a while haven’t you? Well even a school child knows you light candles around a casket at a wake! Poor woman was just doing’ her job when the cat got spooked and knocked off a candle on the buffet near them crocheted laced curtains of yours. The nice ones with yours and your wife’s initials in them your Mother-in-law made. But I geuss you knew that Gray so that couldn’t be News either. Definitely not that’s no News.

No news, no news my dog, my barn, the house and I bet this was news to the person in that coffin. Who was it, please don’t say not my wife! I can’t take it any more

Nope twern’t your wife, she ran away with the High School football team and your Mother-In-Law’s heart just up and stopped.
[While Vernon is speaking Gray is holding his chest having a Heart Attack of his own]

Of course that was in the obituaries whole town read it a week ago, so, well, Gray I guess there ain’t been No News

[Gray is resurrected as they both bow.]

Gray and Vernon Cox have performed their Cox brothers Family Camp show for over 15 years.

Feel free to use Willey's or Vernon's version to start with for yours but please ask for permission if you do it as written. Below is a list Folk history as I know it. If you know of more resources please post them
Thanks Vernon and Willey
*A folkography of “No News”
The story has been around for some time in one form or another. It has been traced back to India and during the period of earlier French literature was one of the many folktales. In modern form it has been repeated by after-dinner speakers and upon phonographs, only changed to adapt to the audience and the locale.

There is a version of this story in Russian Folklore, by Y. M. Sokolov, published by Macmillan, 1950.
A servant/serf is meeting the nobleman and gradually letting him know the entire family fortune is lost.

The Folktellers, Connie Regan-Blake and Barbara Freeman also recorded a version titled "No News." It is on the album created to celebrate the 10th National Storytelling Festival. "This humorous answer to 'What killed the dog?' was originally created in the early 1900's by Nat M. Wills. The tale was revived by humorist Marshall Dodge of 'Bert and I' fame, who passed it on to The Folktellers..."

Nat M. Wills: The Famous Tramp Comedian recorded his monologue, "No News in 1909
His voice lives on at Venerable Radio dedicated to all genres of music from the 78rpm era.
To purchase a copy visit:

No news was on Bert and I Stem Inflation in1961 a folk routine done by Maine Humorists Marshall Dodge and Bob Bryan
To purchase a copy visit:

Marshall Dodge encouraged The Folktellers Connie Regan-Blake and Barbara Freeman to create a southern version which can be found in Best-Loved Stories Told at the National Storytelling Festival
August House, 1991

Willey Phinedit's Version called " Lucky" was created in 2006 from No News and the child hood memories of listening to Bert and I

Lorna Stengal has a great audience particpation version she tells that is worth hearing next time you see her perform.




© 2019   Created by Don 'Buck P' Creacy.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service